look beyond the day at hand. there's nothing there at all.

why, yes, my friends are nazis. what tipped you off?



i found this scenic lil' photo spot while driving for no particular reason.
i think it's right across the street from the cliffs people swim at.
i don't know, i've never gone to the cliffs.
i'm afraid of water snakes.
either way, there were cliffs on the other side of the road and a sketchy ass bridge.

don't want to be in school.
don't want to disappoint my parents.
what's a boy to do?

i just want to empty my savings.
start out on the interstate.
then stop every time something catches my eye.
no agendas.
no great american waffle tour.
no goal of visiting every interstate sideshow joint.
i just want to photograph everything that is aesthetically pleasing.

i would also like someone else to come with me.
so they can drive and i can snap motion shots on sunny days.

as much as i love acting...
as much as i love writing...
as much as i love making coffee...
i really just want to photograph for the rest of my life.

it's no problem of mine but it's a problem i find

i used to be the pickiest eater ever.
i would demand peanut butter sandwiches if i didn't think i would like dinner.
i was so picky that i hated jelly since i was in 2nd grade.
i also thought mustard was the most disgusting thing in the world.
if i had peanut butter and jelly or a sandwich with mustard on it in my lunch at school, i would opt to not eat all day.
seriously picky.

today, for lunch, i had spinach and feta bread pudding, potatoes cooked in dill pickle juice, and spinach and tomato pizza.
whenever i eat on campus, i now eat all vegetarian and vegan platters.
i had a snack before auditions (and half of it is currently sitting in my fridge).
vegan spring rolls.
carrots, avocado, cucumber, apples, red cabbage and sweet miso dipping sauce.
surprisingly awesome.
for dinner i had a slice of spinach pizza, some broccoli, and sweet potatoes.
the broccoli didn't look very appetizing, but it tasted amazing.
i opted not to get the asparagus.
it looked way too greasy.

auditioned for some plays.
i'm feeling confident.
my name is known 'round the theatre circles now and i didn't hold back.
i didn't over do it, either.
i hate those over actors.

if one more girl i'm interested in randomly drops "my boyfriend" into conversation...
i'm punching someone in the face.
not the girl. that would be rude.
but the next person to piss me off better watch out.

i know, i know it's serious

in playwriting yesterday, i presented a play entitled "Girlfriend in a Coma."
no one caught on.
i was slightly bummed since i fit every lyric in one way or another.
during the break, i told my teacher, and his reply was:
"dammit! i thought so!
i wish i would have caught on."
then he sang some Morrissey.
now you know why Jim Sheehan is my favorite teacher.

in my life
why do i give valuable time
to people who don't care if i
live or die?

to the center of the city where our roads meet, waiting for you.

went for a walk through the city.


Claire found true love.


and i found true love... in a tofu sub.


ated it all.


opened and shut day.

turn back the clock.

jerbs and grunge heads.


oh so metal.


air heads and skate kids.


gold teef.

that was then. this is now.

keeping with time
taking it too far
losing my mind
but it won’t too hard
to find it again
I never had much sense
so what have I got to lose?

there’s a world outside
so why are we locked up
staying solid faced
like we don’t give a fuck
acting like all
we fucking need
is a heavy angry song
to help us feel free

no matter what we say
everything has its end
and some day some day
we’ll grow up and then
what do we have left?
these angry nights
in these sweat soaked rooms
the coolest of clothes
smelling like ass and booze
what do we have left?

I don’t want to hold on
‘til I’m old and grey
stapled to the bar
forgetting every damn day
looking at the kids
with their fashion and their fists
muttering
“yeah that used to be me”

I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be
a past tense

but i know my luck too well. yes i know my luck too well.

skipping a class today.
skipping a class often.
this semester could feel so much better.
something inside me is off.

yesterday i hung out with Jilly.
turns out she lives directly across the street from Amy at MICA.
i need to find a chance to introduce them.
hit up some thrift stores.
there were some amazing items like big green frogs, blue gnomes that worked like magic eight balls, plastic bags full of toys, an orange mesh shirt with a dragon and a tiger wrestling on it and too many creepy porcelian figurines.

an old lady in the goodwill on Joppa rd. asked us if we knew what "this" was.
she held up an old school juicer.
i one-upped her by telling her "yes, it's a juicer. i have one. i got it for christmas."
true story.
when i was 10 or 11, i wanted a juicer so bad.
i was fascinated by the concept of making my own juice.
my grandma gave me one for christmas. it was high-tech.
i used it a few times and retired it to the cabinets under the sink.

we used the bathrooms in a Chinese food restaurant, and they thanked us for coming in.
we're going to go back.
how can you not want to eat at a place that thanks you for pissing in their establishment?

MICA food is pretty good.
somebody ate all the pies.

then i went and saw Only Noise at the DeadAboveGround reunion show.
Radell was the only original member.
lots of stupid moshers going on.
some kid had gaged ears, camo shorts, a fitted hat, straightened/dyed black hair, and a hoodie that he obviously made that said "PGHC."
he moshed like it was 2004.
lots of spin kicks.
he was making fun of Only Noise while they played.
i glared at him and he froze completely.
some pop punk band that was trying to sound like Set Your Goals played a set your goals cover.
their singer really, really wanted to be Justice. he copied everything Justice does on stage.

i was the only one to stay for DAG.
i payed $8, i atleast wanted to be entertained.
for what it's worth, DAG was a solid metalcore band.
their music wasn't terrible.
Radell wore a TUI shirt and, at the end of their set, the pop punk band kids started chanting for a TUI song.
Radell just said "we don't know them. shut up."

never seen those kids at a TUI show. ever

oh yeah.
during one of the pop punk band's songs.
the singer said "MOSH CALL"
and everyone moshed.
i fell over laughing.

est-que tu desole?

yo, Have Heart.
what the fuck?
how you gonna go announce an east coast tour with polar bear club and tui,
then have only one date close ot b-more (richmond)
AND NOT FUCKING HAVE POLAR BEAR CLUB AND TUI PLAYING IT?!

i was so psyched and then it was like someone shit all over my day.

tout va bien.

i skipped three classes on monday.
i skipped one class yesterday.
something wasn't sitting right inside me.
i'll figure it out.

monday, instead of going to class, i got more sleep then did a ton of walking.
i should be getting my car back today.
i walked around the mall.
bought a henley from gap, it was on sale.
while i was in Burberry, William, It Was Really Nothing came on and it was beautiful.

girls are really sketchy.
hard drugs are even sketchier.
put them together and what have you got?
i know some really fucking stupid people on campus.
good thing they didn't try to shoot up or snort any shit around me.
they did light up a spliff out in the open.
dumb dumb dumb.

i watched Heroes, then walked to 7-11.
it was a pleasant stroll.
i picked up bread, peanut butter, cheese n' crackers, batteries, and a v8-splash.

tuesday i got sushi with Sarah instead of going to theatre production.
when she dropped me off, she said she wanted to nap and do some work before Phenomenology.
i said i just wanted to do work, but i'd probably nap instead.
i got work done, napped and worked out.
i felt productive.

in Phenomenology, John Rose said such a good thought:
if you are more interested in a world or an ideal you are investigating than the world you exist in...
you are a geek.
most people ignored that. i had to write it down.

Rec Room after was good.
our group expanded a little.
hopefully it will grow by leaps and bounds next week.

peace.

into the cold. no smile on your lips.

last night was my second phenomenology.
i forgot how cool the trancendental epoche is.
(ask me about it in person. it's quick to explain but confusing to type)

last time i had phenomenology, it was a very small group.
this time, the room is packed and there's a lot of narrow minded folks.
they won't let John Rose talk and they question the simplest concepts.
at one point, John asked a girl "you do realize you're talking out loud right now?"
i lost it.

i asked Sarah at the beginning of class if she wanted to grab a drink after.
by the middle of class, when we had our break, we decided it was necessary.
we called Dustin, too.
we headed to The Crease first, but there was only one person inside.
kinda creepy.
we went to The Rec Room, grabbed a booth, and waited to order.
i asked for a Blue Moon. Sarah asked for a Vodka tonic with lime (or something like that).

the waitress brought two of each.
when we stared incredulously at the drinks, she said "oh! it's two for one night."
we decided then and there that drinks after Phenomenology is a new tradition.
Dustin joined and we grabbed some food.
crab pretzel, mozzarella sticks, fries.
Dustin got a burger that was so bad that he commented to the waittress.


this morning, someone wrote in the fresh snow "ATMOSPHERE - Joy Division."
now, don't get me wrong, spreading the good word of Joy Division is pretty much my life goal currently, but something about that...
i feel that, if they were willing to take the time to write in large fancy letters, they should have done a lyric.
atmosphere is a beautiful song, but, if someone hasn't heard the song (or the band), they'll have no clue what the fuck it means.
just sayin'.

and you're drowning soon. this is the start of it all.

it's all coming together.



the bus was perfect.



so perfect.


as it turns out
school is easy and pretty stress free when you actually do the work.

i just need to get my body used to these early mornings.
i got breakfast at Einstein's today.
peanut butter and bananas on a honey whole wheat bagel and some OJ.
i'll be taking one hell of a nap this afternoon and i'm missing Heroes tonight.
playwriting class is almost worth missing Heroes, though.
these things take time.