enough of this bold-faced degradation and hate.
i'm up for feeling something new.

i'm going to bed early tonight. tomorrow, i'll rise with the sun and drive to the reservoir before class. after class, i'll head to Goucher and get a Blue Sky soda.

i'll blog the whole damn day. i'm going to make this feeling last. i'm going to take this life back.

you want a smile? you want a nod?
here's a finger. eat it up.

if you're gonna lie to me, then lie to me.
just be fucking upfront about it.

ignore what's been said before

guess i'll still use this now and again. when the thoughts get too heavy for this already weighted head...

women, what the fuck is wrong with you? and you and you and you?

i could sit and write out every single, little, minute detail that made the blizzard of 2010 the best week i've had in months... probably years, but i'd end up depressing myself. suffice to say, a girl came along and, within an evening of she knowing me and me knowing she, i couldn't bear to leave her side. surprisingly enough, she was securely attached to mine.

three nights in a row, we spent them together. laughing, lavishing, learning all we could. it was good. it was better than the rest. there was this bubble around us, and the world kept trying to penetrate it. something had to give. something always does.

we spent one night apart, and then problems began to start. i guess when alone with her thoughts, she saw what was coming up. we finished out the week. tightly entwined and deep in each others' minds. then we went back to school.

fuck school and friends and faces intruding on my fantasy made reality. monday we reached the peak. tuesday she pushed me down the mountain. wednesday through saturday, she threw me a line and i started to climb. but sunday... i saw the knife in her hand, poised to severe the cable and drop me again. avoiding my eyes until this night, she finally flicked her wrist and cut it.

so here i am, right back where i started. one more story to write out of my system. one more set of eyes to force out of my mind. hundreds of more sleepless nights ahead as i try to discover what was or wasn't said.

timing is everything. why do i always feel like mine's running out?

different blog, same story.

livelivelivetilidie.blogspot.com

aside from tumblr, this is the blogspot i'll be using from here on out.
it should stay po-ums and such.
i don't feel like expressing coherent thoughts this year.
right now, it's filled with things i wrote over the past three years.
a lot has happened. a lot has changed...
let's see where i go from here