wider than a mile

it sunk in. dammit.

on thursday, at work, i was talking to Holly about how sick i’ve been feeling lately. the heart burn and reflux mainly, but also my loss of appetite, excessive need for sleep, and general not feeling quite like myself. she said that sounded like depression. i told her (i told myself) it wasn’t depression. i was over and beyond that.

maybe not so much.

i’m sick of myself. i’m sick of spending these days alone, running around to thrift stores and cafes, trying desperately to fill my time and mind with good thoughts about the simple things that cheer me up. i want friends back. i’m lonely as hell and, no matter how many phone calls i make, how many texts i send, how many attempts i make to keep in touch… it’s not enough.

what did i do wrong?

i don’t work enough for my schedule to be an issue with hang outs. i’m open and willing to do damn near anything. i always have been. i just want some human interaction.
being lonely was so much easier when i was lonely in the romantic sense. this lack of human interaction… it’s killin’ me.

livelivelivetilidie.tumblr.com

don't lie to me

don't
fuckin'
lie to me

shake some trees. see what falls.

takin' steps.
long long walks with sore feet and tired, burning eyes.
short, to the point words afterward
that could lead to something significant
or to something disheartening.
either way
steps taken.

this weekend was full of good things
starting this wednesday, i'll be working almost every day.
i'll try to keep summer alive, though.

my school schedule is early classes monday through thursday.
nothing too late so i can keep my schedule open for theatre.
no class fridays.

i need some big summer fun.
road trips or water antics.
it's almost August.
closing out with Virginfest will be strong
but there needs to be more.

the cost of livin'

spending too much money on food.
spending way too much money on drinks.
but!
i didn't buy any clothes this week.

i need to find someone (a lady) to take to see:
500 Days of Summer
Where the Wild Things Are

and there are more movies to see.

Chelsea and AC Milan tomorrow.
ohhhh shiiiit.

Man Crush

on Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer.
and always crushin' on Zooey Deschanel

bargain updates

two things on wednesday:

walked to Marshalls to get some fresh air and exercise.
ending up finding a perfect pair of Volcom board shorts.
very short (above my knees) with pink, yellow and orange plaid over grey.

went to Nordstrom Rack at night.
there were two Burberry polos in the extra super clearance section.
the short sleeve one happened to be my size (kind of really wish the long sleeve one was).
navy blue.
perfect for work.

friday is a great day for thrifting.
let's see what i find...

in this modern life.

every day...
i fight the urge to spend a ridiculous amount of money on an article of clothing that i don't need at all.
change what i'm wearing at least three times.
fluxate between waking up real early with my alarm or ignoring the alarm and sleeping until i feel disgusted with myself.
twice, maybe three times a week, i go to work at some point.
drink a latte.
work out.
watch at least two movies.
read a few pages from I Like You: Entertaining Under the Influence by Amy Sedaris.
poop.
drink as much water as possible.
make breakfast.
buy lunch (trying to cut back on this).
eat dinner that was made for me (would love to work on making my own).
eat ice cream before bed.
watch Adult Swim until 1:30 in the morning.
make some phone calls that go unanswered.
enjoy a good drive.

wish i was somewhere more exciting than here.

no matter how full i make these days,
there remains this empty feeling in me.

these things take time.

and don't you dare forget.

used to be so fucking tough
we slept with knives behind our eyes
stayed out late and wandered all night
kept a reason to fight back then
fighting education and religion
familial ties and major decisions
anything to keep us on the streets
anything to keep our feet
a step ahead of the rest

now there’s something missing in my chest
this heart may beat
but too damn fast
and I can’t sort out or look back
catch my breath or beat this sense
that the good times are all but gone
and it’ll be harder from here on
there isn’t a single song
to describe how we feel these nights
divided and distant
tell me
do you miss them?

those nights we treated like days
those days we wasted away
the sunrises from the backseats
and the star lit skies on back streets
distant drives without destination
living with a vision

these days, we’re just living
alive like everyone else

building fronts are just fronts

Jacki graduated!


no one could figure out the bug repelent.


special moments.

sick of empty evenings

despite the fact that i am making this the most productive summer ever (see: doing awesome things every day), my evenings are very lacking. well, lacking isn't the best word. empty. my evenings are too empty.

a lot of people don't answer their phones. i've been told by more than one person that, though they do not answer their phones, they are very prompt when answering text messages. i see this as a huge slap in the face. if we're friends, and we're planning to hang out and exchange words in person, why would you be unwilling to hear my voice ahead of time? i still technically have to pay for texts, so i'd love to keep my text talks to a minimum. folks need to get away from these "technological advances."



Sarah Fogle has the most photogenic room i've ever seen. so many colors. funny that the only picture i shot in it has such a small amount of light. i'll take more shots next time we hang out.



time to start telling everyone to see Bike Maker. i've been going to their shows every now and then all this year, but this past show at art space... they found their sound. if you aren't doing anything and you pass up on going to one of their shows, it's your mistake.

i've been listening to The Sounds (see: myspace profile song). apparently swedish power pop is amazing. the music reminds me of New Order and their singer, Maja, has the best female singing voice/accent combination. if they come to Baltimore, despite the sea of douchebags that would attend that show, i'm definitely seeing them live.

i need a hair cut.

looking back at high school photos, it's crazy how my clothes have completely reversed. baggy jeans have been traded for tight jeans and crazy tight shirts have been traded for comfy, roomy ones. i used to jack youth large shirts from Target and think i was at the height of fashion. now, i fill out a large t-shirt nicely and my armpits are never hurt by a shirt that's just too damn small.

i copped another polaroid camera at Amy's dad's yard sale. my two most recent polaroids are my favorite i own, and i'll never find film for them. one is just too old but is in perfect shape. the other (the yard sale one) is kodak's polaroid rip-off. i have a feeling my collection is going to get gigantic over the coarse of this summer.



i've been glancing at leather jackets in thrift stores. i just can't bring myself to buy one, though. it doesn't seem right. leave it to Altamont to come through with an all cotton jacket that's made to look exactly like a motorcycle jacket. it's onsale for $42 on a random site. i asked my folks to get it and hide it away until christmas.

i really want to go swimming. let's get it on.

ready to run out to sea
you will never see me
again

i swear to high heaven

200hate's summer of bummer will not happen again.

productive summer '09 is all mine.

let's make this summer last forever.

you humor me today

no jogging this morning.

this is the first day that i've actually slept in this summer. i woke up at 5:30 am yesterday. i laid around until 7:00 and then jumped up and spent the whole day being productive. the perks and drawbacks of my crazy sleep schedule this semester.

Amy and i skated last afternoon. both of us are in terrible shape and need to get used to skating again. my legs are sore as all hell from the jogging and skating (i need real running shoes). i also spent way too much money already this week. i'm down to $1.97. a lot of that went toward dinner last night. we'll find out if that was worth it...

i've realized something about myself as of late. i used to bullshit a lot about myself when people said anything derogatory but true or close to true about me. i've always been eager to please and open to other people's opinions and criticisms. somewhere along this past year, though, i became comfortable with myself, so the bullshitting has changed. now, when people say something derogatory about me (be it true or false), i get angry and jump to my own defense, explaining rather than evading. i've had a lot of alone time this past semester. i know myself much better than i ever have and you ever will, so, if i say something isn't true, it is not true.

i need to work more. my credit debt is getting up there.

french women...

a brisk jog in the morn' and a solid breakfast.
watching Before Sunset.

cleaning my car and the house today.

summer starts strong

warning: i'm about to brag about thrifting again.

today = the beginning of my first free week of summer.
i decided to celebrate by hitting my three favorite thrift stores and rugged.
although i didn't find any cameras, this was a very successful thriftin' trip.

1st Goodwill: a lovely summery 65% cotton 35% polyester shirt. $4.
Rugged Wearhouse: raw black Kill City jeans. $13 (retail is around $90).
2nd Goodwill: a Brer Bear doll and an annotated edition of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.
Salvation Army: a sudoko game for my mom (awww).

i have so many pairs of jeans, but i wear them all regularly.
and i've only ever paid full retail price on one pair.
i am a wizard of bargain shopping.

late to rise

yesterday. peanut and bananas on eggos.



tuesday. two eggs scrambled with 4 cheese mexican blend on a spinach wrap.

oh...

fuck this past weekend.

that play was not worth it.
i could have been doing so many better things.

coming soon

i don't update this sucker enough,
but that's all about to change.

during high school, for about 2 months, i had a food blog.
i recorded everything i ate every day.
so many people read it daily and i have no idea why.

with that in mind, i've decided to combine my two true loves.
photography and breakfast.
all summer, i'll be snap-shotting as many breakfasts as i can manage.
i'll also experiment with cooking fancy breakfasts at home.
get psyched.
i know i am.

thanks mom. love you.

third pair of vans in the past two months.
i'll be keeping the laces in these since they're a 9 1/2.
i don't even ride a fixed gear, but the extra padding is so nice.

the toecap is suede.
maybe i'll skate them?

i need to photograph so bad.
if only there was time.
come to my play this weekend.
there's a chance i'll accidentally get smacked in the face with a shovel.

today is GIG

if you aren't busy, come to Goucher this afternoon.
free food and fun.
even though it's raining.

hit me up if you wanna come.
4105857193

see ya'll at STD.

open the shades, let some day break

tell me why my greyish-blue jeans, my deep blue jeans, and my black jeans all look the same in this picture.
lighting is fun.

sharp

Mikey sold me the newest addition to my collection right before he went on vacation.


this is what my lunches look like. what do yours look like?

i finished writing my play.
it's done.

skeleton

i didn't make good on my plan to load pictures this weekend. woops.

i get atleast two compliments on my fedora every time i wear it. best purchase of the summer and summer hasn't even started.
blank white/grey v-necks and henleys with board shorts or my grey cut offs and my fedora are my summer uniform. i'll avoid shoes as much as possible, too. i'm trying for a full blown flip flop tan by the end of the week.

last night, on the way to Wal-Mart (for bagels, cream cheese and sushi. i'm so healthy), there were two guys on motorcycles. the first was on a kawasaki and drivin' like a douche. the second was a long-haired biker on a chopper, lookin' bad ass. the guy on the chopper sped up a bit to drive next to the guy on the kawasaki. i thought they must be buddies. then, the guy on the kawasaki RAMMED SIDEWAYS INTO THE BIKER.
the biker just pulled back a little (next to me), laughed, and waved to the guy. what the fuuuck?

i had a dream with EVERYONE i currently know. it was ridiculous and everyone had the best clothes on. most people were in summer clothes (bathing suits, short short board shorts, tank tops). i was having a beer with my dad and waiting for some funnel cake. the craziest dressed people in the dream: Kenny wearing khaki zip-off cargo pants and a neon yellow long-sleeve tshirt with a hood (hood up, of course) and the crazy foreign girl that lives across the hall from me with a full eskimo-style parka (furry hood up, of course).


i'm in a Goucher play at 8:00pm may 8th, 9th and 10th.
this time, you won't risk our friendship if you skip it. i would skip it. it's 3 plays written by students. mine is the first, the worst and the shortest (clockin' in at 10 minutes total). my director is scheduling far too many rehearsals. we could honestly do the damn thing tonight and it would be no different than if we practiced every night for two weeks.
so over Goucher and how much they underestimate me. can't wait to escape to Towson and own their theatre department.

when do i?!

i never update anything anymore.
the internet in my dorm isn't strong enough for flickr updates.
and i like posting pictures much better than posting words.

this weekend, i'll try to upload some photos.
then next week, i do a photo or two a day.
maybe.

my cousin, Samantha is coming to Saves the Day and Alkaline Trio.
it's her first show ever.
PSYCHED.

the story so far...

here's the outline of the play i'm writing this semester.

title: Sharp

characters:
Norm
Vic
Stephanie
Ricky "Roughneck"
Raj

what's goin on:
in the first scene, Norm and Vic are strolling through a parking lot with their greasy pompador hair and fine tailored black suits, when Norm notices a car he claims is Ricky the Roughneck's. after some debate, Norm tosses a molotov cocktail at the car. Vic is not happy about this.

next scene, Norm and Vic are at work. Vic is cooking up a storm and Norm is storming around pissed at customers. Stephanie enters and declares she is there for an interview, Norm is indifferent to her, Vic is intrigued. Roughneck enters the kitchen drunk and looking for chicken tenders. one thing leads to another and a fight breaks out. eventually, Stephanie pulls a knife on Roughneck and Raj enters, breaking up the fight and banning Stephanie and Roughneck from the diner.

the next scene is in the parking lot again. Vic offers Stephanie a ride home and they talk about why Vic and Norm wear tailored suits (their own way of being modern day greasers) and how Vic lives in his car. after they leave, Norm and Raj enter, and Norm is pissed to see that Vic has left without him.

next scene is back in the kitchen. Vic comes in to work late, Norm and Raj waiting impatiently. everything is business as usual until Stephanie visits Vic. Raj tries to kick her out again but Vic opposes it. she gives Vic a gift and exits. Norm enters and declares his distaste for her, but Vic ignores this.

next scene is in the parking lot again (seeing a pattern?). Norm is assaulting Roughneck. there is little dialogue and the scene closes with Norm menacingly sharpening Vic's knife from the kitchen as he walks toward Roughneck.

next scene is in the kitchen. Vic and Raj are chatting about a recent rash of fires in the town. Vic tries to hide that he can guess who is to blame. they also talk about schools and how Vic might try to get into a culinary program. Norm enters at this and is furious (they're high school drop outs). after much debate, Vic asks if he can leave a little early. Raj approves and Vic puts on his jacket and a new, yellow, tie. this was the gift from Stephanie.

the final scene is back in the parking lot. Norm drags Vic on stage. they argue about how Norm feels abandoned and how Vic sees no future in the way they live. Norm reveals that he never planned to have a future. a lot more happens with this scene, but i don't want to ruin the surprise.


there will be S.E. Hinton references and Modern Life is War quotes galore in this play. especially in the last scene.

picture me and then you start watching

slept in this morning.
by slept in, i mean i set my alarm for 5:45, woke up, changed it to 6:30, woke up again and drifted in and out of dreams until 7:30.

i'm wearing the mustard yellow h&m hoodie that Tim and i bought two or three years ago but never wore. the reason i never wore it is that i can't stand that little flap of extra fabric on the inside of hoodies. the flap that's sewn down at the top and bottom but just hangs loose and folds out around your chest. i cut it out last night and i suddenly love this sweatshirt.
i may cut the flap out of my Altamont hoodie later this week.

i knew i wanted a solid breakfast this morning, but i was not in the mood for some witty einstein brother's banter. i figured there was no better morning (overcast with the potential to be rainy or beautiful) to head to Pickles 'n Chips and try them out.
they have a $5 minimum for charges, and my total was $4.60, but the manager let it slide. everytime i give someone my debit card, they comment about the long hair in my picture. that hair has been gone for two years but everyone reacts like i went home the night before, grabbed some scissors, and made the most drastic change of my life.

i opted for an egg and cheese on a spinach wrap and a cup of coffee. the second i poured the cup of french vanilla brew, the smell hit my nose and i knew it would be amazing. i haven't had really delicious straight coffee since brunch with Amy, so i was excited. then i burnt my tongue.
it was worth it.
the egg and cheese on spinach wrap was great. i'll be returning there. i didn't see much in the way of veggie sandwiches on their menu, so i may have to wait 'til after lent.


this past weekend was so good and so bad. the nights were great. i love seeing people i love. the days were stressful beyond belief. rehearsals for my 15 minute long play are so awkwardly scheduled and constantly changing. it makes my head spin. i'll be catching up on sleep for days after this weekend.

happy birthday Lori!

you're lurkin'.

locked in one position

certain aspects of this life
well, something doesn't feel just right
and i don't know the fastest way
to make these days turn out okay

my puppy has a hurt hind leg.
i freaked out on my mom yesterday because my dad has not taken her back to the vet for a follow up.
he kept saying "she's getting better. she's walking on it."
i see that as she has had a bad leg for about a week now and they gave her pain medication.
she's not better, she's used to it.


aaaand...
to you friends out there that consistently let me down or count me out:
be sure to let me know if it's because i did something wrong or you just don't give a damn anymore.
i'm tired of feeling like shit all hours of the day because the people i love don't seem to love me.

trudging slowly over wet sand

i've hit the six month mark on my first pair of Alamedas.
time for a real wash.
it's funny.
last year, i thought it would be forever before i owned a pair of Altamont jeans.
i own four pairs.
the only reason i'm washing my first pair is i wear them to work.
they've soaked up a lot of dish water and there's frothed milk stains near the ankles.
also, it won't make much difference whether i wash them or not.
i tossed them in a washing machine without any detergent when i first got them because i wanted to shrink them a bit.
so the dye of the denim set in and they didn't wear the way they should have.

i'll do a better job next time.
in another six months, i'll probably retire them and buy a new pair.
work pants can get pretty disgusting when you work with food and drinks.


i hurt my right index finger pretty bad last night.
i'm doing most things left handed.
having flashbacks to last year when i broke my thumb.

i just want it to be summer.
tomorrow.
i can't wait to lay on the beach.
my fedora covering my face.
relaxing for one week.
then coming home to what i'm hoping will be the best summer of my life.
i'll be 21, transfering to a new school, working a job i actually enjoy, and maybe (a big maybe) i'll make enough money over the summer to start searching for an apartment somewhere.
anyone interested in living with me?
i'd search places around towson.
close enough that i could skate to s-bucks and campus bright 'n early in the morn'.
i'm not trying to drop three weeks pay on a towson parking pass.

tonight.
let us dance.

so distorted and thin. distorted and thin.

i love ground slothes.


finding faith.


oh hello!

i need your help. any and all.

there's two series of photographs i want to do.
one of which, i've wanted to do for about 4 years.
it's always in the back of my mind.



there just happens to be this perfect spot of light at a school in parkville.
i've only taken picture with old cameras there.
now that i have my slr, i want to do the huge series that i've been dreaming of for years.
as many friends as possible, all standing, sitting, posing however they feel, all covered by the shadows made from their own body.
hopefully the lights are still the same there and haven't been replaced...

the other series has to do with telephones.
i just want to get as many pictures as possible of people on cell phones, house phones or pay phones.
i especially want to do some phone booth shots at the booth near Goucher.
possibly jam as many people as we can in it?
it's up in the air.

who's interested?

a change of tune

life.
it's pretty rad.

new haircut.


oh hello NeckFace chukka boots i got from Rugged for $30.
you will look great on my feet!

Amy and i had brunch this morning.
i got lost trying to find the place, but it was so beyond worth it.
four waffles stuffed full of bananas.
potato patties with sour cream.
some delicious-ass coffee.

i bought a wicked polaroid at the Joppa rd. Goodwill.
also picked up two VHS: a Batman the Animated Series video with a bunch of Joker episodes and a collection of really old (2 are in black and white) Mickey Mouse cartoons.
the lady at Rugged Warehouse didn't ring up my dress shirt.
$30 for limited as hell NeckFace Vans and a very nice grey shirt?
is anyone else having as awesome a day as me?

also, Amy found a pair of shoes she was already planning to spend $50 on at Rugged.
for $7!
the world is our friend.

fuck this town

i need to be somewhere new.

still photographing in moderation

late night. late night.


summer swallowed us whole.


call me when you're down.


Buddy!


hold up hold up. are you foreal?

future RSC t-shirts

whenever i actually have free time
which may not be until summer
possibly next week during spring break
i'm buying some iron-on materials and making RSC t-shirts.

i've already picked a few photos that are musts.
you're free to suggest/request others.






"RSC breakfast of champions"




"since before your time"

and
of course
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT

also, who's down for a RAVE Surf Cult party?

ragin'

in Intro to Theatre, we're watching an RSC adaptation of Tartuffe by Molierre.
RSC being the Royal Shakespeare Company.
but i know what it really means.

consistently left behind.
incessantly pushed aside.

not a fan of campus.
which is why i'm transferring to towson.


dear God,
why is it
when i do good deeds and am generous
i am punished for it?
why is it Adriel keeps talking
though i tell him as kindly as possible
that i'm watching a fucking movie and his mouth running every goddamn second is making me want to rip his fucking throat out and beat him to death with it
(in reality: "dude, that's enough.")
he just keeps talking on and on?
why is it
(though i was so fed up with him yesterday that i wanted to throw him through a wall)
when i gave him a Berger cookie cause he was so hungry and is too fucking stupid to buy snacks
he then proceeded to make pleasure noises as he ate it
though i told him to stop
twice
or i would take the cookie away
and
when he came back from his magic the gathering meeting
once again would not shut the fuck up
even though this time i was very blunt in the fact that i was tired
going to bed
and did not want to hear another word
so he proceeded to say it was my fault he was so hyper and talkative
since i gave him the cookie

i am never being nice to this obnoxious mother fucker again.

look beyond the day at hand. there's nothing there at all.

why, yes, my friends are nazis. what tipped you off?



i found this scenic lil' photo spot while driving for no particular reason.
i think it's right across the street from the cliffs people swim at.
i don't know, i've never gone to the cliffs.
i'm afraid of water snakes.
either way, there were cliffs on the other side of the road and a sketchy ass bridge.

don't want to be in school.
don't want to disappoint my parents.
what's a boy to do?

i just want to empty my savings.
start out on the interstate.
then stop every time something catches my eye.
no agendas.
no great american waffle tour.
no goal of visiting every interstate sideshow joint.
i just want to photograph everything that is aesthetically pleasing.

i would also like someone else to come with me.
so they can drive and i can snap motion shots on sunny days.

as much as i love acting...
as much as i love writing...
as much as i love making coffee...
i really just want to photograph for the rest of my life.

it's no problem of mine but it's a problem i find

i used to be the pickiest eater ever.
i would demand peanut butter sandwiches if i didn't think i would like dinner.
i was so picky that i hated jelly since i was in 2nd grade.
i also thought mustard was the most disgusting thing in the world.
if i had peanut butter and jelly or a sandwich with mustard on it in my lunch at school, i would opt to not eat all day.
seriously picky.

today, for lunch, i had spinach and feta bread pudding, potatoes cooked in dill pickle juice, and spinach and tomato pizza.
whenever i eat on campus, i now eat all vegetarian and vegan platters.
i had a snack before auditions (and half of it is currently sitting in my fridge).
vegan spring rolls.
carrots, avocado, cucumber, apples, red cabbage and sweet miso dipping sauce.
surprisingly awesome.
for dinner i had a slice of spinach pizza, some broccoli, and sweet potatoes.
the broccoli didn't look very appetizing, but it tasted amazing.
i opted not to get the asparagus.
it looked way too greasy.

auditioned for some plays.
i'm feeling confident.
my name is known 'round the theatre circles now and i didn't hold back.
i didn't over do it, either.
i hate those over actors.

if one more girl i'm interested in randomly drops "my boyfriend" into conversation...
i'm punching someone in the face.
not the girl. that would be rude.
but the next person to piss me off better watch out.

i know, i know it's serious

in playwriting yesterday, i presented a play entitled "Girlfriend in a Coma."
no one caught on.
i was slightly bummed since i fit every lyric in one way or another.
during the break, i told my teacher, and his reply was:
"dammit! i thought so!
i wish i would have caught on."
then he sang some Morrissey.
now you know why Jim Sheehan is my favorite teacher.

in my life
why do i give valuable time
to people who don't care if i
live or die?

to the center of the city where our roads meet, waiting for you.

went for a walk through the city.


Claire found true love.


and i found true love... in a tofu sub.


ated it all.


opened and shut day.

turn back the clock.

jerbs and grunge heads.


oh so metal.


air heads and skate kids.


gold teef.

that was then. this is now.

keeping with time
taking it too far
losing my mind
but it won’t too hard
to find it again
I never had much sense
so what have I got to lose?

there’s a world outside
so why are we locked up
staying solid faced
like we don’t give a fuck
acting like all
we fucking need
is a heavy angry song
to help us feel free

no matter what we say
everything has its end
and some day some day
we’ll grow up and then
what do we have left?
these angry nights
in these sweat soaked rooms
the coolest of clothes
smelling like ass and booze
what do we have left?

I don’t want to hold on
‘til I’m old and grey
stapled to the bar
forgetting every damn day
looking at the kids
with their fashion and their fists
muttering
“yeah that used to be me”

I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be
a past tense

but i know my luck too well. yes i know my luck too well.

skipping a class today.
skipping a class often.
this semester could feel so much better.
something inside me is off.

yesterday i hung out with Jilly.
turns out she lives directly across the street from Amy at MICA.
i need to find a chance to introduce them.
hit up some thrift stores.
there were some amazing items like big green frogs, blue gnomes that worked like magic eight balls, plastic bags full of toys, an orange mesh shirt with a dragon and a tiger wrestling on it and too many creepy porcelian figurines.

an old lady in the goodwill on Joppa rd. asked us if we knew what "this" was.
she held up an old school juicer.
i one-upped her by telling her "yes, it's a juicer. i have one. i got it for christmas."
true story.
when i was 10 or 11, i wanted a juicer so bad.
i was fascinated by the concept of making my own juice.
my grandma gave me one for christmas. it was high-tech.
i used it a few times and retired it to the cabinets under the sink.

we used the bathrooms in a Chinese food restaurant, and they thanked us for coming in.
we're going to go back.
how can you not want to eat at a place that thanks you for pissing in their establishment?

MICA food is pretty good.
somebody ate all the pies.

then i went and saw Only Noise at the DeadAboveGround reunion show.
Radell was the only original member.
lots of stupid moshers going on.
some kid had gaged ears, camo shorts, a fitted hat, straightened/dyed black hair, and a hoodie that he obviously made that said "PGHC."
he moshed like it was 2004.
lots of spin kicks.
he was making fun of Only Noise while they played.
i glared at him and he froze completely.
some pop punk band that was trying to sound like Set Your Goals played a set your goals cover.
their singer really, really wanted to be Justice. he copied everything Justice does on stage.

i was the only one to stay for DAG.
i payed $8, i atleast wanted to be entertained.
for what it's worth, DAG was a solid metalcore band.
their music wasn't terrible.
Radell wore a TUI shirt and, at the end of their set, the pop punk band kids started chanting for a TUI song.
Radell just said "we don't know them. shut up."

never seen those kids at a TUI show. ever

oh yeah.
during one of the pop punk band's songs.
the singer said "MOSH CALL"
and everyone moshed.
i fell over laughing.

est-que tu desole?

yo, Have Heart.
what the fuck?
how you gonna go announce an east coast tour with polar bear club and tui,
then have only one date close ot b-more (richmond)
AND NOT FUCKING HAVE POLAR BEAR CLUB AND TUI PLAYING IT?!

i was so psyched and then it was like someone shit all over my day.

tout va bien.

i skipped three classes on monday.
i skipped one class yesterday.
something wasn't sitting right inside me.
i'll figure it out.

monday, instead of going to class, i got more sleep then did a ton of walking.
i should be getting my car back today.
i walked around the mall.
bought a henley from gap, it was on sale.
while i was in Burberry, William, It Was Really Nothing came on and it was beautiful.

girls are really sketchy.
hard drugs are even sketchier.
put them together and what have you got?
i know some really fucking stupid people on campus.
good thing they didn't try to shoot up or snort any shit around me.
they did light up a spliff out in the open.
dumb dumb dumb.

i watched Heroes, then walked to 7-11.
it was a pleasant stroll.
i picked up bread, peanut butter, cheese n' crackers, batteries, and a v8-splash.

tuesday i got sushi with Sarah instead of going to theatre production.
when she dropped me off, she said she wanted to nap and do some work before Phenomenology.
i said i just wanted to do work, but i'd probably nap instead.
i got work done, napped and worked out.
i felt productive.

in Phenomenology, John Rose said such a good thought:
if you are more interested in a world or an ideal you are investigating than the world you exist in...
you are a geek.
most people ignored that. i had to write it down.

Rec Room after was good.
our group expanded a little.
hopefully it will grow by leaps and bounds next week.

peace.

into the cold. no smile on your lips.

last night was my second phenomenology.
i forgot how cool the trancendental epoche is.
(ask me about it in person. it's quick to explain but confusing to type)

last time i had phenomenology, it was a very small group.
this time, the room is packed and there's a lot of narrow minded folks.
they won't let John Rose talk and they question the simplest concepts.
at one point, John asked a girl "you do realize you're talking out loud right now?"
i lost it.

i asked Sarah at the beginning of class if she wanted to grab a drink after.
by the middle of class, when we had our break, we decided it was necessary.
we called Dustin, too.
we headed to The Crease first, but there was only one person inside.
kinda creepy.
we went to The Rec Room, grabbed a booth, and waited to order.
i asked for a Blue Moon. Sarah asked for a Vodka tonic with lime (or something like that).

the waitress brought two of each.
when we stared incredulously at the drinks, she said "oh! it's two for one night."
we decided then and there that drinks after Phenomenology is a new tradition.
Dustin joined and we grabbed some food.
crab pretzel, mozzarella sticks, fries.
Dustin got a burger that was so bad that he commented to the waittress.


this morning, someone wrote in the fresh snow "ATMOSPHERE - Joy Division."
now, don't get me wrong, spreading the good word of Joy Division is pretty much my life goal currently, but something about that...
i feel that, if they were willing to take the time to write in large fancy letters, they should have done a lyric.
atmosphere is a beautiful song, but, if someone hasn't heard the song (or the band), they'll have no clue what the fuck it means.
just sayin'.

and you're drowning soon. this is the start of it all.

it's all coming together.



the bus was perfect.



so perfect.


as it turns out
school is easy and pretty stress free when you actually do the work.

i just need to get my body used to these early mornings.
i got breakfast at Einstein's today.
peanut butter and bananas on a honey whole wheat bagel and some OJ.
i'll be taking one hell of a nap this afternoon and i'm missing Heroes tonight.
playwriting class is almost worth missing Heroes, though.
these things take time.