look at your life, in a strange new room.

i've seen too much in the past few months.
that's the best way i can phrase it.
i've had the person who means the most to me hate me for wanting to protect him.
i've had the person who shaped the world for me slowly slip away.
i've had friends at each others throats.
i've had friends come and go.
i've had so many things happen that left me with a true, empty feeling in my chest.

i've been writing for a full 10 years now, and i've finally felt that awful emotion that i was putting on paper for so long.
that utter lack of something that simply cannot be put to words.
it hurts.
it crawls throughout me, infects my thoughts, dissects my speech, weighs my hands down to me feet.
it buries me.
i drive for miles each day.
around the reservoir or as far from home as i can go.
i'm trying to find something, something better.

i've been smiling for the past few days.
she came back, just to check up on me.
i needed to call her back to my life.
i needed to know she was alright.
cause i'm not.
now she's helping me get back that feeling.
i told her last night as we slept in each others arms for the first time in almost two years.
there's so much wrong, but she makes me feel right.
she feels so guilty and doesn't blame me for pushing her away.
i forgave her.
she's become this mixture of the girl i first met and a stronger grown woman.
maybe this is what i need.
you and me.
not together again.
there was always somethings sitting in between.
you and me
together at last.
this could last.