and the distance sets in
and the distance collects
and the distance expands
and the distance dissects
--
wonder how ugly i'll turn when the sun
burns through this skin and i'm left feeling
something i don't want to say
predicting the ending these days
never gets me anywhere
i want to sit back and watch
these days run themselves
i'm tired and wired and asking for help
because something is keeping me sleeping at night
i don't want to wake
don't want to fight
don't want to rise
and get on with this life
i just might
be feeling feelings once felt
i just might
need a hand/some help
i just might
not recover from this one
if this one
isn't for the long run
--
there's so much more to say of these days.
this summer is shaping to be something worth remembering.
it's hard to write what feels right.
every song is about something being wrong.
if life is worth living...
why bother singing?
keep moving in the right direction.
--
i'll stay on this road for awhile.
take in the bends,
see how it ends.
i'll stay on this road for awhile.
passenger side for a long long ride.
driving until my eyes are fried.
summer sun can guide me home.
wherever that may be.
i'll find it if i find you
in this car
with me.

I have a 3.0...
i have never had a 3.0 in all the time i've been in college.
i've always scraped by with a 2.8 or 2.9.

still three more grades that need to go through.
dramaturgy and cultural diversity should be A's though.
even if i get an F in astronomy...
i could keep a fucking 3.0

putting my credit card in my cash box.
no more spending money i do not have.
i'm done with that.

talked tonight about things on my mind.
typical "future is now and i just fucking realized it" stuff.
then some real talk.
talks on living together, on being together, on a word she tricked me into saying.
saying it for the first time, meaning it for the first time.
this is... new.

i was anxious all day.
i've got so much to do and i'm wasting as much time as possible.
we had a rough night and a slow morning, but things settled.
then i got myself all worked up again.
thinking about what waits ahead.

now that that one word has been put out there, something has settled.
i'm still anxious about school.
i'm still eager to get back to work.
i'm still nervous about the very prevalent future.
i'm still trying to find the motivation to do anything and everything.
but i'm not worried about us.

confused, nervous, hesitant, scared.
this must be love.

lack of motivation has caught me.
i'm sitting on this couch all the time again.
hiding out from the work that was due a few weeks back.
drinking coffee doesn't push me to do anything 'cept sleep uncomfortably.
tossing and turning and learning that this life could be so much more.
i've been dreaming lately, but they aren't worth the mention.
i've been living lately.
finding a word i'm afraid to say.
i've been missing people lately.
don't know if people are missing me.

i guess and i can rest reassured that i'm further along than most.
i've got my life together enough.
i haven't got my life together at all compared to how things were.
i have a job that i never work.
i'm in school, for what that's worth.
i have friends that i'm good to and they're good to me.
whenever we have the chance to see and be seen.
used to have the drive.
now i just want to feel alive.
and it feels so real standing with her arms around me.
my arms around her.
feeling worth in these worthless stores and parking lots.
holding hands whenever no one is looking.
i'm hooked.

i feel held together and i feel torn apart.
turning in all directions.
i'm always hunting a distraction.
not even motivated to do what i shouldn't be doing anyway.
i want to sleep until summer sets me free.
i want to sleep a little longer.
see if i dream something better than i have been.

there's some words to say to you.
to scrawl across these walls of these rooms.
to hide under your pillow and seal in manila envelopes.
to put at the end of some half hearted letter.
i'll be seeing you later that day anyway.
why write anything so important?
so much better to say.
there's some words i've got in the back of my mind.
on the tip of my tongue.
the kind of words for which songs are sung.
stand in the rain and scream at the top of my lungs.
come on.
never get tired of your smile.
your scent, your cynicism, your style.
never tired of being tired with you.
never get a word in.
never need to.
you and i.
our eyes lock tight.
see whatever is weighing each others minds.
know that there's more to be said than...
there's some words to say to you.